...reasons why my friends will rejoice upon my eminent departure. I've been very introspective as of late. I'm certain that has something to do with the fact that strangers will be casting first judgements of me in the frightfully near future. It's made me do some serious self analysis, something I don't recommend to the faint of heart. Unless you are way cooler than me. This little "personal renaissance" has led to the following list. Ladies and gentlemen, I now present the top reasons my friends can't WAIT to bid me adieu...
1. They'll be able to squeeze in a word or two in normal conversations. I need to learn to shut my pie hole. I'm an interrupter and a know-it-all, I've realized, but I'm TRYING to be better.
2. They'll no longer have to put up with unsolicited political tirades. I'm a bit passionate about politics. It's true. My friends know this about me. But COME ON!!! WHO wants to hear about the ridiculous mess socialized medicine is/would be while sipping frozen hot chocolate and laughing about husbands and personal grooming? I'm gonna muzzle myself in the future relationships.
3. I won't be there to embarrass or make others uncomfortable by saying inappropriate things. Self edit button does not exist. They also know this about me. Case in point. Our cute friend was NERVOUS about leaving the next morning on a trip to China, right after the earthquakes earlier in the day. I gave her a hug, wished her well running the marathon on the Great Wall of China (no joke...what?), and then left her with these kind words...
"good luck with those after-shocks".
no joke. I said that.
and THIS. and THIS.
4. They no longer have to view my case of eternal HB. (Hanging Boogers). It's a curse. One handed down from my mother. That and spider veins. I totally hit the jack-pot with these genes:) (kidding mom...almost:). Jeff is ALWAYS saying to me in a voice RIDDLED with disgust..."SNIFF!!! can you really NOT feel that? Just ASSUME that you always have a booger, cuz you DO, and plan accordingly. "
ugg. so annoying. and gross.
I'm SORRY.
5. I won't be there to pay, and then refuse attempts at repayment. I know it's annoying. I've been doing that since I was 10. Clear back when my sister Steph and my best friend Aimee mooched every dime I had to ride our bikes to Circle-K or Seven-11 for Zingers, Fritos and bean dip, or nachos, suckers and ice cream at the spa (the community pool). I always want everyone to have a gooood time. Share and share alike, I always say. (either that, or I'm desperate for approval or acceptance?!?!?!!! hmmm....)
I'm turning over a new leaf with any prospective new friends and neighbors. Be warned...
I'M GONNA BLEED YOU DRY.
Last, but certainly HIGH on the list of annoying/disturbing things is this...
I'm growing them out...what do you think?
6. Won't have to look at REPULSIVE EYEBROWS.
If you know me AT ALL...you know I'm an eyebrow appreciator. I notice them. I admire the beautiful ones and mourn for the disasters. They make or break a look. They shape a face. I love them. I love plucking, BUT, I have been letting them go buck wild the past month or so. See, the problem is this. I'm moving in 4 days. I won't have an eyebrow/lip waxer so I'm just making sure my current waxer gets as many nasties as is humanly possible when she goes in to tame the foliage tomorrow. Cuz let's face it. I'm lazy and hesitant when it comes to searching out new people and stores. It could be awhile. Let's hope I don't need a new vacuum bag anytime soon.
1. They'll be able to squeeze in a word or two in normal conversations. I need to learn to shut my pie hole. I'm an interrupter and a know-it-all, I've realized, but I'm TRYING to be better.
2. They'll no longer have to put up with unsolicited political tirades. I'm a bit passionate about politics. It's true. My friends know this about me. But COME ON!!! WHO wants to hear about the ridiculous mess socialized medicine is/would be while sipping frozen hot chocolate and laughing about husbands and personal grooming? I'm gonna muzzle myself in the future relationships.
3. I won't be there to embarrass or make others uncomfortable by saying inappropriate things. Self edit button does not exist. They also know this about me. Case in point. Our cute friend was NERVOUS about leaving the next morning on a trip to China, right after the earthquakes earlier in the day. I gave her a hug, wished her well running the marathon on the Great Wall of China (no joke...what?), and then left her with these kind words...
"good luck with those after-shocks".
no joke. I said that.
and THIS. and THIS.
4. They no longer have to view my case of eternal HB. (Hanging Boogers). It's a curse. One handed down from my mother. That and spider veins. I totally hit the jack-pot with these genes:) (kidding mom...almost:). Jeff is ALWAYS saying to me in a voice RIDDLED with disgust..."SNIFF!!! can you really NOT feel that? Just ASSUME that you always have a booger, cuz you DO, and plan accordingly. "
ugg. so annoying. and gross.
I'm SORRY.
5. I won't be there to pay, and then refuse attempts at repayment. I know it's annoying. I've been doing that since I was 10. Clear back when my sister Steph and my best friend Aimee mooched every dime I had to ride our bikes to Circle-K or Seven-11 for Zingers, Fritos and bean dip, or nachos, suckers and ice cream at the spa (the community pool). I always want everyone to have a gooood time. Share and share alike, I always say. (either that, or I'm desperate for approval or acceptance?!?!?!!! hmmm....)
I'm turning over a new leaf with any prospective new friends and neighbors. Be warned...
I'M GONNA BLEED YOU DRY.
Last, but certainly HIGH on the list of annoying/disturbing things is this...
I'm growing them out...what do you think?
6. Won't have to look at REPULSIVE EYEBROWS.
If you know me AT ALL...you know I'm an eyebrow appreciator. I notice them. I admire the beautiful ones and mourn for the disasters. They make or break a look. They shape a face. I love them. I love plucking, BUT, I have been letting them go buck wild the past month or so. See, the problem is this. I'm moving in 4 days. I won't have an eyebrow/lip waxer so I'm just making sure my current waxer gets as many nasties as is humanly possible when she goes in to tame the foliage tomorrow. Cuz let's face it. I'm lazy and hesitant when it comes to searching out new people and stores. It could be awhile. Let's hope I don't need a new vacuum bag anytime soon.
15 comments:
Ah, Tara!! They will miss you. They will miss you more than you will ever know. Thank goodness for the blogging world -- I still get to tune in to your life. Happy move!
Is there a problem with bushy eye brows?? :) I did some mad plucking just yesterday actually, I really needed it. My brows are light (almost not even there) so nobody notices except me...well and maybe you. Don't go joking yourself, your friends are going to miss you lots, even if you are a know it all! haha
In defense to your list, let's get a few things straight...
1. We need you to carry a conversation. Let's face it, none of us are as edumacated as you. We LOVE that you are uncomfortable in silence thus the endless conversations - love them.
2. Would any of us even VOTE if you didn't inform us of who to vote for? I don't think so. At least you understand the political system and can teach us the difference between liberal/conservative. Seriously.
3. We wouldn't giggle half as much if you HAD a self-edit button. Face it, we think it - you say it. It's why we love you.
4. I still think HB stands for "Huge Boobs" not "Hanging Boogers". Yes, you do have those. The huge boobs that is... am I right?
5. I think we all have a problem with this. Seriously, the guy at Marv's was right... it about went to a fist fight.
6. Ugg... I can't wait for those bushy eyebrows to leave. You are right about that. (Seriously, there are 5 stray hairs... if you think that is a mess, don't look at me.)
You know we love you and precisely for the reasons you listed. It will not be the same around here without you Tara. We may never get good seats at the movies ever again. XOXOXOX
HB's! "Always assume you have one". Hahaahaaaa that just cracked me up. I know your friends are crying their little eyes out that you are leaving. I will have to visit you up north in July. Good luck with the move.
And yet I am still excited for you to move up here! :)
tarataratara--
why is it that i never knew of your lovely little existence until two seconds ago??
i look forward to every and ANY thing you post, and all of those reasons just make me realize that we were meant to be bff's way before now....
don't leave me.
Our craziness must run in the fam because I could've written all of those. Minus the bush brows. I plucked this morning!
Stoooop. Stoooooop. I can't handle this. I am going to miss you more than you know.
6 BEAUTIFUL reasons why I can't wait for you, my friend, to move up here!!! I am so excited, I can barely stand it. And I have been shopping for the perfect step stool for your tub!!!!!
I will welcome all 6 reasons with open arms to this end of the state. Can't wait for a lunch date!
Hee hee hee. Another good one, or six.
I may be too late in asking this, but please never look closely at my eyebrows. :)
There is something so refreshing about being so self aware. It makes me want to tell everyone that my 4 year old told me that he doesn't like my 'smell' before I take a shower in the morning. But I won't- because I am not so comfortable with my self awareness yet. Or my smell
There is something so refreshing about being so self aware. It makes me want to tell everyone that my 4 year old told me that he doesn't like my 'smell' before I take a shower in the morning. But I won't- because I am not so comfortable with my self awareness yet. Or my smell
Dude, I freakin adore the crap out of you. Yeah, I said it. And I meant it, too. :)
Post a Comment