Seriously. Jeff and I are somewhat inept when it comes to parenting at times. SEVERELY inept when it comes to giving our children "the talk". Will missed his maturation program last year while we were house hunting up north. I was a bit miffed. I was REALLY hoping someone more qualified and more mature could handle this for me. We've been talking about IT here and there. When ever the opportunity presents itself. Jeff can't say ANYTHING without busting out in fits of giggles, which in turn, makes me laugh out of total and complete uncomfortableness. Until last night. I'll set the scene.
We are all sitting around the bar eating dinner. ALL OF US. Jeff asks across the bar in a completely audible voice , " did you start your period today?". I give him a death look that clearly means "are you a complete moron or are you just working towards it one idiot move at a time?" I say very quietly "YES...BE QUIET...you idiot". Actually, "you idiot" was only implied, not actually verbalized. His response and the ensuing conversation took place as follows...
JEFF: "You did? you are of NO use to me then".
I shoot him another dirty look.
Grace: "what's a period?"
Me: "hmm...why don't you let DAD answer that question."
Grace: "dad, what's a period?"
JEFF: "well Grace. Periods allow girls to bleed for a week straight and not die."
I was speechless. Jeff TRIED to redeem himself by talking about hormones (BAAAAAD IDEA), eggs, hairy armpits and fertilization (WORSE idea). He can't NOT laugh. plus he doesn't really know all the facts. SERIOUSLY. Will is completely grossed out, surely because at one point Jeff muttered something along the lines of "how do you think YOU got here?".
I do not jest.
totally inept
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22 comments:
That just made my day...seriously!! I can totally picture that conversation going on. You two crack me up...send them my way, I'll let Randy have a talk with them :)
LOL!! Oh, I am dying. Jeff needs to pull that stick out more often. ;)
Can I move in with you people? It's a sitcom over there. So far Kaitlin is accepting she came out of my stomach because daddy and I "did a little work together"(so far she doesn't seem to care what kind of work was done) She thinks Hallie came straight from "the baby store" so we are good to go for now.
Incidently I started yesterday too, those faremones or whatever must be in blog land too.
Jeff. Jeff. Jeff. Periods really are not fun for anyone in the house, are they. And did Jeff mean what I think he meant when he said you were of no use to him? In front of his kids?!?!
LOL. You guys didn't think I was going to give him the talk did you? I did give the...you guys stink and you should be showering every day and wearing deodorant. Period. Isn't that good enough?
I would have thought with Jeff working on that Tampon "Christmas" tree for so long.... the period talk would have happened already. Since we have a house full of girls; periods and tampons are old news here.
You made me laugh OUT LOUD!!! Man, did I need that. Thank you.
seriously.
my man just did that "WHAT?" in the annoying, "what stupid blogging bs are you laughing at now" voice from the other room
that was the best.
my favorite line ever: 'YOU DID? you are of no use to me then.'
he is officially my new hero.
Oh good grief. What is going to be the ice breaker for us with a house full of boys? Eeeewww. I don't even want to go there. I already dodge every "how did Cam get born" question that I can. Sadly, they (jake/nate) bring it up at least twice a week. Maybe I should send them to your house... you know, let Jeff work his magic.
I can't stop laughing. 'you are of no use to me then?' The man must have hormones that are out of control. I really can't stop laughing. Good luck explaining it all.
Oh I think he'll be a great speaker for the next Youth SED.
Love it!!! I can picture that on an SNL Sketch!!! Send them the script!
Oh my. At least he didn't use visual aids like a bannana or something. (or did he?)
my stomach hurt from laughing.
i just peed in my pants a little bit. oh mercy, mercy me. tooooo funny!
That's awesome, Tara. Hey, you could always try Tyler's dad's method. He took my hub (as a little boy) out to see the rabbits during mating season (I keep waiting for him to thump his foot one of these days, but so far so good).
Oh my, I can't stop laughing. My favortie part is the, "girls can bleed for a week and not die." Too funny!
I just read this again - and then made todd read it. It's great.
Holy crap, Tara. This is what I'm talking about--this is WHY I love you. I was just laughing out loud over this. Oh my word: this was awesome! Would your husband mind coming to talk to my kids about "the business" and how it all works?
I have "seen" you around on the other blogs and Kristi linked to this post. Hilarious!! Thanks for the laugh.
holy heck that was hilarious! that jeff is definitely a catch:) thanks for a good laugh!
best.story.ever.
I so want to have a meal at your house!!
I literally have tears streaming down my cheeks from laughing so hard! Thank you, Tara. Thank you for sharing.
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