1. I am irritatingly early to organized events without assigned seats. It's ridiculous. I seriously start to get panicky if there are a ton of people walking into a movie theater. I'm positive they are ALL going to the same movie that I am. I have to stop myself (or friends restrain me) from SPRINTING in to nab a good seat. Preferably one that I can rest my feet up on the seat-back in front of me. Same with church. I want my soft bench. I want my side of the chapel. I want air conditioning, and I want to be able to see the speakers. I'm usually one of, if not THE FIRST person inside the theater or in the chapel. I REALLY HATE BEING LATE. It seriously makes me ornery to be late to church. It's EXTREMELY annoying to my friends as well.
2. I met my first college boyfriend in a burping contest.
I won.
3. I have THE MOST obnoxiously LONG birdy finger known to man. My friends loved to have me stick my finger out the car window in high school and college...not to be offensive mind you, they just thought it was funny. Take a gander...
4.My current FAVORITE indulgence is the APPLE PIE caramel apple from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. (and from a great little kiosk it the Fashion Place Mall...).My friend Kristin (aka...angel of pain) actually make THE BEST APPLES by far (and she tried them on a WHIM...brat), but I can't hit her up every time I get a hankering, cuz it's embarrassingly often. Now, when I say "indulgence", it leads one to believe that it is something I only occasionally partake of, but my flabby butt tells a different story. Imagine this. Tart green apple, dipped in caramel, dipped in white chocolate, then rolled in cinnamon and sugar. Words cannot describe the pleasure they bring me. I never tire of them. Ever.
5. My ability to self-edit grows weaker with age.
Case in point. A few weeks ago in Relief Society I have to get up last minute to give some nonsense food storage announcement, so I pop up and turn around ( I was sitting right on the front row, smack dab in front of the RS pres. in their "officially important" seats). So, just as words are about to escape my cake hole, I turn around to the presidency and amazingly say "oh, sorry, you probably don't want my butt in your face", and proceed to scoot down a few feet. whwwhhuh? Common sense would lead most rational people to just take a few steps to the side without having to DICTATE MY EVERY MOVE AND THOUGHT to the entire RS presidency. I gave myself a mental beating for the rest of the meeting, while Holly (who was right next to me) tried to assure me that the RS Presidency didn't look horribly astonished or offended by my crassness.
My edit button completely disappears in big groups of people, and my voice gets louder. I'd give ANYTHING to be "sweet" or "demure", but that shoe just ain't gonna fit. I've tried.
6. I have AT LEAST 2 gay ex-boyfriends, and one convicted FELON/gay ex-FIANCE. :) yup
7. I bought a new paddle brush last week that smells like New York City subway steam when the heat from my blow-drier hits it. It makes me smile.
anyone who just suffered through this entire thing has just been TAGGED....you're it! don't think I don't mean it either...I don't care if you hate this kind of silliness. Do it anyway.
14 comments:
HAHAHA!! So funny Tar. I am the exact same way in big groups of people. I didn't know it was possible for me to get MORE obnoxious, but put me in front of people and I get diarrhea of the mouth.
go to bed miss...normal people are asleep right now(me too usually)
Tara, I have just laughed my butt off about your RS incident! It is 1 in the morning and I needed a good laugh. Problem is, anytime I post a comment I feel like I have to be incredibly funny just to keep up with you! Good night my lil friend!
ROTFL!#*@?#!!
Your #1: Oh yes! I'm the same way at movies and with event parking. I want to be early for a decent parking spot.
Your #2: I missed that YW lesson about finding a boyfriend. LOL!
Your #3: I feel you on this one. I have big narrow feet with long toes. So I've been called everything from ski feet to skatch. Put you and me together and we can be a Sesame Street character. Like the furry siamese monster brothers with the horns.
Your #4: Divine!! The apples, not your butt.
Your #5: I too have a foul mouth. The foulness comes from the odor of my shoe. My catch phrase is "Did I just say that out loud?"
Your #6: Please consider sueing NBC for making big bucks from excerpts of your life.
Your #7: There is a native NY'er out there that feels the exact same way you do.
7 more reasons why I like you. That wasn't too painful was it? LOL!
Oh boy, I am sick I am laughing so hard. LOVE your long birdie finger! I have to be early too, hate being late, and I too have a ex-gay boyfriend. I will post about it in my 7 things.
Tara, I'm going to have to show your finger to my husband-- he's going to covet it. One of the things he looks forward to in life is having his fingers turn all old and bony and gnarled, so that he can flip off the youngsters and look awesome. (That's right, my honey is the ambitious type.) He could only dream of a finger so long!
In other news... I totally have that same paddle brush! We're brush twins.
So, is the gay fiance one of the ex-boyfriends, or do you have a total of 3 ex-gay boyfriends/fiances? You have a good track record. It must be your flair for fashion that appeals.
Tara, and Miss, you two may get diarrhea of the mouth in front of a group of people, I just get the good ol' Hicken gut rot. I would rather have your problem in most cases. Oh, and Tara, speaking of wierd physical abnomalities, I can't believe you didn't include your freaky bird lips, or large carrot filled nostrils, or your lack of being able to hawk a loogi (I have no idea of how to spell that)grandma had to show you up on that one! The list is endless! :)
umm k family...you are not invited here if you do nothing but promote the cruel reality that I am indeed a walking circus act.
lupe, I think the network you are thinking of is not NBC, it's the LIFETIME CHANNEL. What could be better than having some 50ish washed up soap star in the lead role of a woman haunted by a past of shouting obscenties and kissing flamers. I smell Emmy.
MISS!!! my little friend! You finaly made it. You made my day:)
Holly, one was an actual boyfriend, guy #2 claimed he was supposed to come home from his mission after 2 months to marry me...uh...no thanks...and he's a man lover now, and the fiance tried to make a move on gay boy #1 (who remained my best friend for a long while) while we were dating. They were roomates.I'm so proud. At least Jori feels my pain.
cookie, no need to covet the finger. Tell your hubby it's availble for weekend gigs. It charges by the hour and you have to feed it's owner.
Tar, I think my middle finger could give your birdie a run for its money. Mine is longer, bonier, and beefier. (like the rest of my body compared to my sisters!)
Can I just say thank you for flipping the bird in your blog? Holy crap, I'm laughing my can off! What a sweet post. I love that you excused your butt in front of RS--I love that kind of stuff No need to be embarrassed! I wish I had your ability to be on time, as I am perpetually late to everything.
well, being in the RS, I get to sit in the Special seats, and I'm telling ya, that would've completely made my day if somebody said that in RS!!! You are a crack up!
Oh, man, I am laughing!!
I can totally relate to you being on time for things...it's like I start to panic! "Gotta get my seat!" Like there will be no room for me if I am late.
I'm with Ty on the whole gut-rot thing! Just thinking about going to the Dr./Dentist is enough to make me take a trip to the bathroom! Pathetic!
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